I know it’s been awhile since I last blogged but there has been so much going on lately; so much negative stuff and I didn’t feel like I had anything helpful or worthwhile to say. I took a very long time for me to start receiving my benefits and I was very frightened and it was very scary. I was always so tense and upset, so much so I could hardly do anything, much less write positive insights. I don’t like to write about the negative. Number one, it doesn’t help anyone and that’s why I write~to try and help people. Number two, I don’t like to drag people down. Number three, I’m very private about these things. I don’t feel they’re anybodys’ business but my own.
On the positive side, God got me through this, and just in the nick of time. But, nontheless, He did and that’s all that matters.
You know, having been through all of this, I now understand what money being the root of all evil really means. You need it to live and when there’s not enough, it causes fear. Fear leads to anxiety; anxiety leads to frustration and frustration leads to anger. And I was full of it towards the end. One more month and I didn’t know what I was going to do. Well,everybody told me the Lord will provide and He certainly did.
I would wonder though; why was He allowing it to on for so long? Why did He allow my fear, frustration , pain and stress to last for YEARS? I would often ask Him, is there something I needed to learn from this physical and emotional torture I had to endure? Maybe….but what?
Trust….ah, yes, good ole trust. Looking back, He really was looking out for me whether I thought so or not. I think the more I had to endure taught me He really IS here looking after things and He indeed WAS going to take care of things whether I thought so or not. He really tested me and wanted me to trust Him.
I also could not have reached out to others who suffer through my book if I hadn’t had these experiences. As one of my ministers pointed out to me; I know this is very hard on you, but you cannot write or speak about this if you haven’t lived it. You HAVE to have been there. You’re not credible if you haven’t, he said.
He was right. As much as I hate to admit it, he was right. I was in a very bad way when I spoke to him about this, so it wasn’t something I wanted to hear. But it’s true, and I finally realized it when my bad period had passed.
But now the worst is over and now it’s time for bigger and better things. I am now secure now so I can get on with my life. It’s all falling into place;I still haven’t figured out what to do with the second half of my life, but I know it will come.That’s the next thing. He will provide me with an answer. I just have to listen.
May this day find you well.